Dan The Expander

Let’s start with the definition of an expander from Lacy Phillips on her Podcast, To Be Magnetic, is someone who has created or achieved something in their life that we desire to also have or create. 

This can be a powerful force to help us reach our goals and aspirations. 

4(?) years ago I met my friend’s neighbor Dan. Dan is cute, has a good presence and that one hot summer day when I met Dan he was carrying a few different cans of non-alcoholic beer. He had quit drinking a few years ago, but he said he really enjoyed the non-alcoholic ones. Hmmm….seemed completely unimaginable to me. 

I started drinking daily around 200, when I met my husband. Honestly, going out to eat and drinking wine or eating in and drinking wine was what my husband and I did together. I was a little concerned about the amount of wine I was drinking at the time but chalked it up to the new relationship. 

But, over the last 20 years it has become a daily habit, a way of life. 

I would not go to a restaurant for lunch or dinner if they did not have wine.  For years I thought of cutting back, quitting all together. One year I stopped at Thanksgiving and did not start again until sometime in February. 

Dan was the first person I had ever met who made me think that quitting was even possible. Hence, he is what is referred to as an “expander” for me. Dan made it possible for me to imagine a life and a future that did not include alcohol. 

Step forward 2 years….it took a long time and nothing bad happened, there were no car accidents, DUI’s or epic embarrassments. After thinking about it and talking about it for years I finally decided I was tired of being tired. The alcohol was sucking up my energy, I always felt a little fuzzy and icky.  This was what they call my “why” for doing it, I had tried to quit to quit but my energy is very valuable to me and part of my identity. The wine had to go. 

As life would have it and as they say, “when the student is ready, the teacher appears,” and in came SoberSis. A program for and by women that sets you up in groups for support, does live weekly videos to share concepts and they share tons and tons of resources to help you see what alcohol is doing to your brain and your life. 

For whatever reason, working through things in groups is not where I shine. SoberSis is a great program and it put me on the right path, but I only stayed for a few weeks and moved back to doing this on my own, reading the books they suggested.

It has now been over 2 years since I quit. When I did quit, like Dan I picked up a non-alcoholic beverage. My choice was Fre Chardonnay. The “habit” of drinking wine from a nice wine glass took another year to die. A bottle of Fre a night for about 6 months and it slowly tapered off from there. Now I might have on glass a month.

So, let’s raise a non-alcoholic glass to Dan. I have shared this information with Dan BTW!!!