Becoming A 50 Year Old Woman

I am pretty sure that, as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a 50-year-old woman. And, perhaps a Crone **

The women I was in awe of my whole life, were all “older.” They were well dressed, wore bold jewelry, had perfectly styled hair and were beautiful. They had such an air of class and confidence about them. That’s what I wanted, so badly.

First, there was my maternal grandmother who was always nicely dress, her salt and pepper hair perfectly coiffed, she wore espadrilles, slacks, and a blouse always. Her reading glasses hung from her neck on a nice little chain. Pretty sure I NEVER saw her in pajamas and a housecoat. Everything was always just so at her house.

I can remember snooping around in my grandparents’ bedroom when everyone was downstairs. Looking in their closet and bathroom, everything was picture perfect, down to Vanity Fair magazine on the stool in the bathroom. I slipped on her shoes and dreamed of what it would be like to be her. It seemed like life would be easy, I would be beautiful and confident.

We lived overseas when I was growing up and in those days my parents attended and hosted many dinner parties. My parents’ friends had lavish homes and the men and women were wealthy and chic. When I was younger, my mother’s hair was cut short and looked fancy. Her dresses were understated yet beautiful. When they were going out I would wait in the other room for her to emerge from the bathroom, ready to go. She wore Jean Nate and Charlie perfumes/colognes. She too was someone I wanted to be like when I grew up.

My first job was at Pottery Barn, and I worked with a true “lady” named Marie Filipone. Marie was older than my mother, as I recall. Marie was Italian (which was so cool) had short hair, wore perfectly tailored, high-end clothes. With her long leather skirts, neck scarves and perfect little loafer’s I admired her, her poise, and her style. Her skin was soft. Her advice in marriage was to always flirt with your husband.

At Manpower I worked with a few women who dressed nicely in pencil skirts, and blouses, they wore large rings and other statement pieces of jewelry. The older ladies’ graying hair was pulled back tightly, she carried herself with such confidence. I could not wait to be older and classy, I felt that at 20 I could not wear the classy clothes and the statement jewelry that these ladies did. Wearing black was also out of the question, I was not “old enough” for that (in my own mind.)

Most of the women that I admired were women of what we would call a “different generation.” The men of this generation also wore dress shoes and dress shirts even when they were cutting the grass. The women were always dressed to go out.

When I would try to imitate these classy women by dressing a little different, wearing loafers and shorts, or styling my hair in a different way, I was met with resistance from within myself and/or the person I was dating, how dare I be different or change from who I was. This is how I felt, like I could not be that version of me “not yet.” So, I waited. As part of my story that I have shared before, I felt like I needed to move away from where I grew up. I needed to get out of Stamford, to become the version of me that was inside.

When I was 22/23 I moved to Ohio. Now I wore what I wanted to wear, heels, classy clothes and cowboy boots even made it into my wardrobe. A few years later I took a part time job at a mall in a clothing store so I could really have some fun. Overtime, the version of me I felt like I had to kept squirreled away was set free.

Here I am at the age of 54 and they say life gets better as you age. I have surely become more confident; my style is classy and conservative. Streamlined into mostly beige and white tops with a blazer and denim bottoms to keep it simple. My hair is finally a salt, and pepper color and I often wear it up. There are a few larger, statement pieces of jewelry that I own. Crystals adorn my ears and neck. Finally, I am more confident, believe I can do things that never seemed doable or allowed.

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Although they say much of this confidence comes with age, if you dare, consider Human Design, a system much like astrology. My belief is that we did choose to come here, in this lifetime to have a certain experience. As a 6/2, 50 was absolutely going to be a turning point in my life.

Crone:

· With age and maturity she has greater freedom to live her life in the way that she wants to, not restrained by the wants and needs of anybody else.

· As she ages she gains new wisdom and maturity through experience, including through the experience of the menstrual cycle, and becomes increasingly in tune with her body.

· She understands the natural timing of things and how to use this best to her advantage.

· She has gained the advantage of becoming less susceptible to the problems which trouble the youthful women of the world, such as parenthood, the difficulties of relationships, societal pressure to look beautiful, career and other forms of peer pressure.