What Do We Do When Life Gives Us What We Didn’t Ask For?
A New Perspective on Acceptance
About six months ago, my husband started walking our Treeing Walker Coonhound when he got home from work. Traditionally, I was the one who walked the dogs in the morning, but after our dog Rugs developed vertigo last August, his mornings became groggy, and he preferred to stay in bed.
Glenn’s new routine of evening walks was good for the dogs and good for him—until he developed plantar fasciitis. As anyone who’s had it knows, it shows up out of nowhere and, just as mysteriously, disappears one day like magic.
For a few months, he had to stop walking the dogs, which was fine for Tilt, who was still getting his morning walks. But Rugby wasn’t getting any exercise.
My little pea head, as I sometimes call it, started spinning. First, I felt bad for the dogs, who had grown used to their fun evening walks. Second, I knew Rugs needed exercise.
The problem? I am a morning person through and through. If I don’t get my walk and workout in early, it’s just not happening. I know myself—if I push it to the afternoon, the walk is shorter, the workout is weaker, and the weights? Forget about it.
The Internal Battle Begins
Cue the nonstop self-talk:
"You should walk the dogs. An afternoon walk will be good for you."
"The dogs need the walk for their health."
Using pure willpower, I managed to come home from work, put on my walking clothes, and take the dogs for a 20-minute walk. It should have been that easy. But what I noticed was the internal resistance bubbling up.
The chatter continued:
"Glenn started this habit, now I have to pick up the slack."
"This wasn’t my idea, but now I HAVE to walk them."
Even though I knew it was a good idea, I couldn’t shake the resentment. I felt annoyed at the dogs, annoyed at Glenn, and frustrated that I was the one stuck with this new responsibility.
Then, last week, something shifted.
The Shift in Acceptance
How did I go from frustration to acceptance? I wasn’t sure at first. But as I reflected, I realized—this wasn’t the first time I had made an internal shift like this.
Years ago, after my divorce, I moved into an apartment that didn’t allow pets. I had always had dogs, but at that stage of my life, it wasn’t practical. Then, when I got a promotion and moved into a house, I was traveling frequently for work, making pet ownership impossible.
Then, one birthday, my husband surprised my daughter with a small puppy. He was adorable, and the plan was for him to go back and forth between houses with her. That lasted about two weeks. One day, he was left unattended with our full-grown Black Lab. The big dog bit the puppy, breaking his jaw.
Suddenly, this little puppy, who I hadn’t planned on having, needed constant care. He was sleeping in my bed, requiring my attention throughout the day, and forcing me to rearrange my schedule. I didn’t choose this situation—it landed in my lap.
And at first, I was annoyed.
I had built a life that didn’t include caring for a dog, and now here I was, making sacrifices for one. But then, at some point, without consciously deciding it, I accepted the situation. The resentment faded, and I started enjoying my time with the puppy.
Looking back, I wondered—how does this shift actually happen?
What I Learned from ACT (Acceptance and Commitment Therapy)
Lately, I’ve started using ChatGPT for research, so I decided to see if there was a name for this kind of mindset change."Like I often do when I have a big realization, I turned to ChatGPT to see if there was a name for this kind of mindset shift.
It turns out, there is.
According to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), trying to resist or control negative emotions actually causes more emotional distress. Instead of fighting against reality, ACT teaches people to accept their thoughts and feelings while focusing on taking meaningful action toward their values and goals.
Essentially, ACT helps people:
Accept what they cannot change instead of trying to control or avoid it.
Commit to action that aligns with their values, leading to a more fulfilling life.
That’s exactly what I had done.
I realized that resisting these walks and staying annoyed wasn’t serving me in the long run. I knew I could feel better. So I focused on what was true:
This was good for me.
This was good for the dogs.
Resenting Glenn wasn’t going to make the situation any easier.
And just like that, over the course of about a week, I shifted. It felt like magic, but really, it was about changing my perspective.
Reframing the Situation Changes the Situation
So often in life, we resist what we didn’t ask for. We think I didn’t sign up for this, so why should I have to deal with it? But what if the challenge itself is part of our growth?
We’ve all heard the saying, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But I think it goes deeper than that.
The way we see a situation has the power to change the situation itself.
So I’ll ask you: What are you sick and tired of experiencing in your life?
Are you ready for something different?
Give Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) a try.
And if you are open, ChatGPT can help you with the resources.
