How I Broke Free from Emotional Codependency and Took Back My Peace

Most of The Time
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been hyper-aware of people’s emotions—picking up on their moods, anticipating reactions, and adjusting myself accordingly. It started young.

The Early Signs
When I was 14, I fell in love with Mike before he even asked me out. He was my first love, a hockey goalie who lived around the corner, and I thought my life was made when we became official. If you asked my mother, she’d say we fought all the time. Looking back, I can see how I constantly checked in with his moods, trying to keep everything ‘good and right.’

By the end of our nearly four-year relationship, the only thing I ever asked was: “What’s wrong?”

He wanted out of the relationship. That was what was wrong.

How This Showed Up Later

Fast forward 20 years, and I was in a long-distance relationship with my now-husband, Glenn, for over eight years before we finally lived together. Naturally, we spent a lot of time talking on the phone.

I learned to pick up on the smallest shifts in his voice. If he was short, distracted, or just had a different tone, I knew something was off. Was he upset? Thinking about something he wasn’t saying? My mind ran through every possibility.

My mom told me to stop overanalyzing. But personally, I liked the idea of being known well enough that someone would notice when something was wrong. Maybe that’s what I was trying to offer to the people around me.

Do you find yourself constantly checking in on other people’s emotions?

If your significant other is in a bad mood, does it immediately affect your mood?

Do you feel the need to ‘fix’ things when someone around you is upset?

Are you exhausted from always trying to keep the peace?

When Awareness Turned Into Change

I was doing this with Glenn, my employees, my friends—even the barista at my favorite bakery. I couldn’t ignore it anymore when I realized just how much I had been addicted to reading other people’s emotions. I figured it out while dating Glenn, and that’s when I started making shifts.

I implemented changes—ones that are hard to remember sometimes, but I always do. I no longer wanted to be that affected by someone else’s mood. I didn’t want to get sucked in, or worse, have it ruin my own state of mind.

At the same time, I noticed something with my daughter. She calls me less when she’s struggling, and I’ve learned that her distance is never about me—it always means something in her personal life is upsetting her. Understanding that has helped me detach emotionally without disconnecting from her.

Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Codependency

I started doing what I always do when I want to change something—I paid attention.

1.) Recognizing the Pattern – First, I acknowledged that I was doing this. I saw when it happened, how it made me feel, and how often I was prioritizing someone else's emotions over my own.

2.) Catching the Thought – I started catching the “What’s wrong?” thought before it took over. I noticed when I was about to let someone’s energy dictate mine.

3.) Asking Myself: ‘Is This Mine?’ – Just because I could feel it didn’t mean it was my responsibility to carry it.

4.) Deciding How I Wanted to Feel – Instead of jumping in to fix, I asked: Do I really need to do anything about this? Most of the time, the answer was no.

5.) Practicing Again and Again – Like anything, awareness alone doesn’t change a habit—consistent practice does.

Protecting Your Emotional Space
If you’re someone who naturally picks up on moods and energies, you don’t have to shut people out. You just have to protect your own peace.

Here’s how:

· Pause before reacting – When you feel someone else’s emotions creeping in, take a breath before engaging.

· Visualize a boundary – Imagine a barrier between you and the other person’s feelings. You can witness, but you don’t have to absorb.

· Ask yourself: ‘Is this mine?’ – If it’s not, let it go.

· Limit exposure – If someone’s energy is draining, it’s okay to create space.


Your Peace Is Yours to Protect

I used to believe it was my job to smooth everything over, to anticipate needs before they were voiced, to ensure the energy around me was always ‘good.’

Not anymore.

Other people’s moods don’t belong to me.

And they don’t belong to you either.

If this resonates, start today—pay attention, catch the thought, and remind yourself: Not my energy. Not my responsibility.
Here is a link to help you on your journey.

Your peace is worth it.

#CodependencyRecovery #Boundaries #EmotionalWellness #ProtectYourPeace