Be A Man – turning a negative into a positive worked for me

“Come on bro, man up.” “Act like a man.” “Be a man.” These phrases are heard by boys from a very young age from the media, their peers and sometimes even their own parents. “Be a man” is used in attempts to say, “be tough.” - June Kitahara. While this is the way the phrase is most often used (negatively), for me it resonated in a very different way.

Over the course of my personal growth journey there have been many mantras or affirmations that I have adopted and repeated, either in my head or out loud, as a way of improving myself. There was “I accept people as they are,” this helped me be less judgmental (always working on this one.) QTIP or “quit taking it personally,” helped me grow out of thinking that people did things, that pissed me off, on purpose.

For me “be a man” represented the beauty of how (at least in the movies) two men can have words and maybe even come to blows, then the next day or a few days late, they shake hands, hug it out and move on. This seems like a great way to handle conflict. In contrast, stereotypically, women get mad and stay mad for extended periods of time, telling and retelling the story of what someone did to them, holding a grudge rather than making up and moving on. This hanging on to a negative event, in my experience, can lead to the end of longtime friendships.

All too often I was caught up in an emotion, or a story, when I had an unpleasant interaction with someone. Rather than shaking it off, the emotion made me angry and resentful. What I knew was that this “felt” awful, and I wanted to change my reaction to these types of interactions. Somewhere in that time I turned the possibly negative phrase, “be a man,” into my personal mantra, it reminded me to just let things go, move on. When something would happen at work that made me mad, I would say “be a man” in my head and it calmed me down. Over time I felt better, more grounded, and honestly, more “mature.” All the energy I had been wasting on feeling negative emotions started to lessen, I was becoming a better human.

If you are on your own growth journey, know that what works for one may not work or resonate with another. All too often my mother was someone I would tell my sad stories to. When all of the sudden, instead of telling her how mad I was, I started saying I was going to “be a man” about it, she rebuffed at the mantra. It did not resonate for her, and that is fine. We all must find whatever works for us and do that thing!!! It is our journey and no one else’s.

Is there a phrase or affirmation that you hear, and you feel something in your body? Perhaps the universe is trying to show you a way to grow, to improve.