Exploring Femininity and Self-Abandonment Through My Wardrobe Journey
Little did I know that when I wrote my blog post about integrating "vacation me" and "everyday me", a few months later, I would write another post about my vacation purchase—or lack of purchase—experiences. This most recent experience involved buying a whole new bohemian-style wardrobe (second-hand on eBay) and actively addressing my bad habit of self-abandonment.
When I wrote about buying—or not buying—things on vacation, I thought I was making responsible decisions. Typically, when I bought an article of clothing or jewelry on vacation, I wouldn’t wear it once I returned home. What I’ve come to realize after this most recent vacation is that the side of me who wants to dress in a more feminine way—wear that belt that may not match but makes me happy—can no longer be silenced. She has been softly asking me to express her, and I’ve denied her at every turn for most of my adult life. Now, she has turned up the discomfort I feel in my body when I ignore her to a pitch that I must obey. Finally, I am listening and ready to give her the space and attention she deserves. And it’s not just about my clothes; it’s about the theme of self-abandonment that is ready to be ad’dressed’ as well.
When I mentioned self-abandonment to one of my friends, she was unfamiliar with the term. It’s sort of like boundaries with ourselves. If this is a new concept to you too, I recommend visiting this article, https://tinyurl.com/5n99zfpz which explains it well. One excerpt says:
“Essentially, abandonment is when you reject, suppress, or ignore part of yourself in real-time. In other words, you have a need or desire you want to meet, and (often on the spot) you make the decision not to meet it.”
In the last week of October, my husband, two of my friends, and I headed back to my stepson’s lake house in Georgia. My intention for the trip was to walk a lot (which we did), do some shopping, and spend plenty of time cooking for my friends.
But first: what to wear on the plane? That may seem silly, as many people prioritize comfort. Years ago, however, I read somewhere that you never know who you’re going to sit next to on a plane, so you should always be well-dressed. For this flight, I chose a captain’s jacket, a white V-neck T-shirt, jeans, and black flats adorned with gold. It was a classic outfit, and I felt sharp. Receiving a few compliments from strangers at the airport seemed to confirm that “classic style” worked best for me.
On our vacation, there was lots of walking, chatting, and relaxing. On the last day of the trip, my friend Christina and I went shopping in downtown Flowery Branch, Georgia. We had a lovely lunch and browsed the local shops on Main Street. Then we came across Further Down the Rabbit Hole Boutique—the shop that would become the catalyst for a massive personal exploration of my femininity and self-abandonment.
The shop’s clothing was eclectic, feminine, and bohemian. It was the kind of store I’m always drawn to but consistently leave empty-handed.
As we browsed, I said aloud, “I never buy anything in these stores.” At the time, it felt like the truth and aligned with my “don’t buy anything on vacation” philosophy. The logical part of my mind kept saying things like, I won’t wear that. I don’t do patterns. I won’t wear this at home. The outfits in the shop were mismatched, with sweaters that often hung off the shoulder. The overall aesthetic was more feminine than I was comfortable with.
Although I tried on a dress and fell in love with a patterned top, I walked out empty-handed yet again, convinced that sticking to my “don’t buy anything on vacation” rule was the right choice.
The next day, we flew home. That night, I was suddenly hit with deep regret over not buying anything at Rabbit Hole Boutique. The boho or hippie style had been calling me for a long time, but I kept talking myself out of it. This time, however, regret turned into action. I was tired of ignoring what had been calling me.
Not exactly sure how to dress boho, I searched “boho outfits” on TikTok and Pinterest. The general style seemed to involve layers, bralettes, and kimonos (which I’ve tried but find impractical since they often get caught on things).
As a Mani Gen (Human Design talk), I know I can get really excited about something new and then suddenly lose interest. To err on the side of caution, I decided to buy a few things on eBay and see how I felt as my boho style evolved.
As package after package arrived, I began to develop my style: long skirts, flowy tops, and long cardigans—perfect for winter. However, whenever I found a shirt that might show cleavage or a skirt with patterns, I felt resistance in my body. Each morning, as I got dressed, a critical voice in my head would chime in: That belt doesn’t match. Are you wearing too much jewelry? Those off-white socks look weird with those black tights.
That little voice has been nonstop about every decision, creating self-doubt within me, about all aspects of me, my whole life. What I kept coming back to was that I was ready to do it differently - ready to honor what my body was asking for and override that little voice.
Damn it, I was going to wear those over-the-knee socks that maybe didn’t match but made me feel, dare I say, sexy. I was accustomed to looking good in tight jeans and a V-neck T-shirt, but feeling that way in skirts and blouses made me feel empowered. Through my boho style, I was taking back some power that I had given away somewhere along the line.
Each morning, as I chose what to wear, I paid attention to how it made me feel. If I smiled at my reflection in the mirror, I wore it—regardless of the critical voice. One wardrobe decision at a time, I began to honor myself.
Boho style, to me, represents femininity, softness, and even messiness—qualities I’ve often been uncomfortable with. I have always seen myself as strong, capable, and classy. I’ve judged women who wear off-shoulder sweaters or mismatched patterns. But as I stepped out in flowy, patterned skirts and loose blouses, the world reacted positively.
Strangers complimented me: “You look very pretty today” (at the post office), “Your outfit is amazing. You’ve been a ray of sunshine since you walked in” (at the title office). My husband noticed too: “What is she wearing today?”
Don’t we all love compliments? In my moments of doubt about what felt like a bold move, the compliments from my husband and strangers kept me motivated to keep pushing through the doubt and discomfort.
Historically, I’ve also abandoned my desires due to external criticism. From childhood memories of being teased for a skirt I sewed myself to comments about my lipstick or outfit choices, it always felt safer to stick to the classics. Until now.
When we feel a desire or urge, we have a choice: honor it or dismiss it as silly or irrelevant. Over time, this dismissal can make us smaller and disconnected from who we truly are.
These urges or desires can be related to any part of your life. Have you always wanted to knit, collect stamps, hike, or even learn to fly a plane? Start small. Create a vision board, visit an airplane museum—just listen to yourself a little more.
To encourage others, I have been sharing the “Outfit of the Day” on my social media. This journey is far from over for me. Each day, I make different choices and reclaim more of who I am. Stay tuned for Part 3 and get connected with me on social media.