Resilience, Repos, and the Hard Lessons That Made Me Stronger
Always one to seek confirmation of who I am, I remember taking a quiz in Glamour Magazine in the late ‘80s or early ‘90s titled “How Resilient Are You?”
At the time, I had gone through a rough breakup, my parents’ messy divorce, and yet, I felt like I had come out of it all pretty well. The quiz results confirmed it—I scored high on resilience. Back then, I took comfort in sayings like “God never gives you more than you can handle” and “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.” I had a pretty healthy outlook on life—or so I thought.
The Business That Tested My Resilience
Now, as I write my book about taking over my family’s Buy Here Pay Here car business, I realize just how much I was forced to actually develop resilience. The topic of repossessions alone could fill multiple chapters. It’s one of the hardest things I had to do as a business owner, and in the early years, each one wrecked me.
The first year or two, every repo took me three full days to emotionally recover from. Even though we had rules, I let people slide as much as I could. I tried to reach them, gave them options, and extended grace. But sometimes, taking their car was the only option left.
And let’s be real—taking someone’s car means taking their ability to work, to provide, to survive. Imagine waking up, getting ready for your job, and stepping outside to an empty driveway. Or worse, walking out of work to find your car gone. My stomach still knots up just writing this.
The Emotional Weight of Repossession
Some never called to get their car back. Some called crying, desperate to make it right. Others called furious, screaming, cussing me out, demanding answers. And when they came to the office to get their belongings from the car, I stood by, watching—partly to prevent them from damaging the vehicle, partly to brace myself for whatever anger or blame they were about to throw at me.
Even now, as we phase out of the business, repossessions still trigger the same mental checklist:
Did I text them?
Did I email them?
Can I reach them on social media?
Did something happen to them?
In the beginning, I assumed they were avoiding me. Now, I know that more often than not, something actually happened. Life came crashing down on them, and I just happened to be the one holding the paperwork.
Why Did It Drain Me So Much?
I was trying to do the right thing all the time—be a good person, follow the rules, avoid legal trouble. And beyond that, I wanted to be respected and appreciated.
But back then, my inner dialogue wasn’t so evolved. I was pissed.
“These stupid people don’t respect me or appreciate what I’m doing for them.”
That’s what I told myself in the early years. It was a defense mechanism, a way to handle the emotional toll. But looking back, I see that resilience isn’t about becoming a hardened b*tch—it’s about trusting yourself.
From Three Days to Twenty Minutes
Something that used to take me three full days to emotionally recover from now takes about twenty minutes. Science calls this:
Emotional Regulation
Neuroplasticity
Cognitive Restructuring
The Mere Exposure Effect
Building Emotional Endurance
Whatever you want to call it, I call it growth. I learned to trust myself more and more. I learned that I was doing the best I could, making the right decisions, and standing in my integrity.
Victim or Victor? The Choice Is Ours.
Looking back, I see this is how I’ve lived my life. We go through hard things, and they either break us or build us.
Some people may be naturally wired to be more resilient, but I believe a huge part of it is how we choose to view the situation. Do we see ourselves as victims or victors?
No matter what science calls it, no matter what strategies we use, it comes down to this: how we decide to process what happens to us defines who we become.
So, what are you choosing today?