Mindfulness Is The Tool
In the last speech I gave for Toastmasters I shared about a visit from “Old Lisa.” The reactive, impatient version of Lisa, who I used to be. One of the pieces of feedback I received on my speech was that I should share 3 or so of the tools that helped me become a better version of me.
As I was writing the last speech, I considered that, and the fact that the tools became their own 6 minute speech/blog post is perhaps why I did not cover them in my last speech/blog.
The answer to Jeff’s question is mindfulness. Psychology Today’s definition of mindfulness is a state of active, open attention to the present. This state is described as observing one’s thoughts and feelings without judging them as good or bad.
For me mindfulness boils down to three things that I try to be aware of and practice every day.
Presence
Meditation
My breath
Presence meaning being here in this moment, not thinking about what happened yesterday or where I am having dinner. Presence starts the moment I wake up When the alarm goes off not lying in bed pondering my day or replaying any worries or stresses that I have in my life.
I get up and as I pee, I take a moment to stop and notice my new vanity, really see the things in my bathroom, it’s a check in, not rushing into my day.
Then it is on to feeding the dogs, getting my tea, I sit on the couch, write in my journal, and meditate. No TV no checking my phone and the texts I got while I was sleeping, the posts I missed overnight or watching the news and filling my head with all the things that are going on in the world. Just be here in my home, focused on my inner world. From 4 am to 6am.
As head out the door I say out loud or in my head “keys, phone, wallet.” Take a moment to present and notice do I have all these things. All too often we can be on the phone as we walk out the door or thinking about that meeting, we have later, we are not present. The keys phone wallet started when one day I walked out of the house, and I locked the door behind me. My keys were inside the house. Thankfully my mom had a set, and she came over and let me in. Every day since, “keys, phone, wallet.” As I will say all the time, I am not perfect, and I can sight the day I got all the way to the café to have coffee with my friend and I did not have my shoes. As they say, practice not perfection.
When I hit the end of our driveway I pause – how do I want this drive or this day to go?
As I get out of my car and walk down the hall into Toastmasters “how do I want this to feel?”
Meditation – who meditates the hippies? The lady who wears flowy dresses, and has flowers in her hair? I had no examples in my life. But the idea that meditation was good for me showed up again and again in magazines and books.
So, I got on You Tube and found a meditation. I started with 5 minutes and now it can be as much as 45 minutes a day. That sounds insane and I thought the same thing. But it is possible and life changing. There is some sort of magic that happens when you sit quietly, close your eyes, and get quiet. First is that your brain does not like it! Thoughts and thoughts. Thank goodness there are apps that teach us how to meditate.
Over time meditation made me more and more centered, more able to notice my feelings in real time. To stop, notice what has happened or has upset me, and decide how to react. I give full credit to meditation for helping me learn to be less reactive.
The last tool is something that is always with all of us - our breath. We can stop and focus on it anywhere and in any moment. People, well less frequently, would see me stop, put my palms to the sky and take a breath all the time to catch myself in an emotion. And/or sniff rosemary oil when I needed a moment to calm down and chill out.
The biggest catalyst to me changing was the car business. The experiences that came with taking over the family’s buy here pay here car business left me with the choice grow or go insane. Old Lisa could not effectively run the business.
This is where I started using my breathe and sniffing lots of Rosemary oil that calms emotions. Running a buy here pay here business brought challenges with people paying, not taking care of their cars and stress that I needed to learn how to navigate. For example, we would have to repossess someone’s car as a last resort for nonpayment. The phone call or the Facebook review that came after that was stressful.
In the first few years I was upset for 3 days after a repossession. As I learned to stop, take a breath, notice my emotion and reaction, without judgement I acted and reacted from a better place. This wave of emotion no longer lasted 3 days, it lasted 15-20 minutes.
Those are the tools that have changed who I am, how I react in all aspects of my life.
Again, am I perfect? I forget my shoes, I don’t meditate one day because I get caught up rewriting my speech/blog (for the 10th time) instead or I can forget to take a breath before I react.
Practice not perfect.