Judgement

“Wooey”/spiritual ALERT… Judgement is what I refer to as my “cross to bear.” What I am here in this lifetime to deal with, heal inside of me.

Pretty sure, judgment is a “bad habit” that I picked up from my father. I love him with all of my heart, but he is not very accepting of others. The generations before us are also not as self-aware as we are and I give him grace for that. Judgement of others, in my opinion, is really about judgment of ourselves.

As far back as I can remember I have always been into self-improvement. Doing better, being a better person. When I was maybe 19, I became really aware of how judgy (not really a word but) I was. One of the ways we can change something about ourselves is through repeating affirmations. So, I adopted “I am accepting of other people” as my affirmation. Every time I caught myself judging someone or something I would repeat this affirmation. It truly helped me be more accepting of other people. I gave people more grace when they did or said things that I felt were harsh, dumb, and self-sabotaging (in my eyes, this is really all about me.)

Now, 30+ years later, I am going to be totally honest, Judgement is something that I still battle with every day. Almost every minute of every day……..it can be exhausting because almost every time I do it, I catch myself. I course correct. My judgement is about anything and everything. Someone’s clothes, the food in their grocery cart whether they work out or not. I say this over and over again, I am not perfect. This outward judgement is really about my inward judgement. The voice in my head that judges myself nonstop.

When I hit snooze, I tell myself “You should get up now, you will lose energy over the course of the day.” As I am getting dressed in the morning “don’t wear that you look fat/unclassy/lazy.” When I walk past a mirror “your hair looks messy today.” This is something I have worked on daily to reframe. Over the last 6 months I have made serious progress on my self-judgment. Before the negative thought runs in my head, I say something encouraging to myself “your hair looks amazing today” “that sweater looks nice.”

OMG it is exhausting to be so aware of the thoughts that do not serve us. I do not mean any harm by judging others and I honor those who do not constantly judge and measure themselves against others.

Today, after 35 years, I believe I am 50% less judgy of myself and others. I keep working on it every minute of every day. We are all on our own path, only doing what we know or have learned. I know that I am a “good” person, and this judgement does not define who I am. It is merely a part of my journey of healing what does not serve me.

Will I heal it in this lifetime? Maybe not! But, I will keep doing the work every minute of every day.